A Dog’s Guide to: Stomping (By me, the dog who clearly isn’t being listened to)

Hello humans,

It’s me again. The one currently stomping around the house like I own the place. Which, just to be clear, I do.

You’ve probably noticed my technique. One minute I’m casually walking, the next I’m marching across the kitchen floor like I’ve got a very important meeting to attend. Loud paws. Dramatic sighs. Maybe a little side-eye for effect.

And yet you still ask: why is my dog doing that?

Let me explain.

First of all: I am communicating

You lot love words. We don’t. We use vibes.

My tail, my ears, my face, my pacing… it all means something. And yes, my stomping is part of that. When I walk heavier, slower, more dramatic, I am not “being weird” , I am sending a very clear message.

For example:

I need something
You are too slow
I would like attention immediately
It is time for food, walk, or both
Please sort your life out

Honestly, I couldn’t make it clearer unless I started texting you.

Second: You accidentally trained me to do this

Remember that one time I stomped across the floor and you looked at me?

Then you spoke to me?
Then you laughed?
Then you gave me what I wanted?

Yes. That was all I needed.

I am smart. Very smart. Some of us more than others, but still. Once I realise something works, I will absolutely do it again. And again. And again.

You created this. I’m just perfecting it.

Third: Sometimes I am just excited

You ever get so excited you don’t know what to do with yourself? That’s me. But with paws.

Walk time? Stomp.
Dinner time? Stomp.
Someone at the door? Aggressive stomp with bonus spinning.

It’s not my fault everything in life is so exciting.

Fourth: Sometimes I am impatient

This one is on you.

If I am ready, you should also be ready. That is how this works.

If I’m standing by the door and you’re still “putting your shoes on” or “finishing your coffee,” I will escalate. First a look. Then a sigh. Then, the stomping begins.

Consider it a countdown.

Fifth: I have personality

Some dogs are subtle. Quiet. Mysterious.

I am not that dog.

I am expressive. Theatrical. A performer, really. The stomping is part of my brand.

When should you actually worry?

Look, I joke, but even I’ll admit this:

If I suddenly start moving weirdly all the time, or I seem stiff, sore, or not into my usual zoomies, that’s different. That’s not “main character energy,” that’s “please get me checked.”

Also, keep my paws sorted. Long nails? Weird feeling. Matted fur between my pads? Not ideal. I like to stomp dramatically, not uncomfortably.

Sometimes I bark. Sometimes I nudge you.
And sometimes, I stomp around the house like a tiny, furry landlord who is deeply disappointed in your service.

It’s communication. It’s emotion. It’s a little bit of genius.

And if you’re wondering whether I’ll stop?

No. Absolutely not.